Long Distance Com Call
by Mini Goat
Summary: A long distance com call goes the only way it possibly could when Vader tries to keep the lines of communication open with his kids.


**Life is seldom easy for a Sith Lord trying to raise two rebellious teenagers. Authority seems to be slipping through Vader's fingers the further Luke and Leia are away.**

Vader impatiently taps in his daughter's com number. He clears his throat nervously just before she picks up.

"PLO's com." Leia chirps.

"Ah, hello Leia, it's ahh… your father." He finishes lamely. Had his mask been off his wince would have been clearly visible.

"Oh." She says flatly. "It's you." Leia rolled her eyes. What does _he_ want she wondered.

"Yes, well… I er… wanted to talk to you about the whole Alderaan thing."

"You blew up my house dad." She said, annoyed. "And the planet it was on…" he voice all but drips sarcasm at this point.

"Yes, well, you see, I was under military orders and…"

"You blew up my house dad." She says more pointedly.

"Governor Tarkin is a very persuasive man, the target had legitimate military viability, and he's.. he was my boss. It's not as if I could have just said well no, you can't blow up Alderaan, my daughter lives there. He'd have fired me. Who would pay for you to play with your little rebel friends then young lady?"

"Yah, whatever dad. You work for Palpatine anyways, everyone knows it. Do you think I'm stupid and I'll just believe you all the time like mom did? Please." Leia grins meanly at him over the com frequency. "How about I go find Yoda then and become a Jedi like Qui-Gon?" she smirks.

"You will not. I absolutely forbid it!"

"I'm nineteen dad, you can't stop me."

"I'm warning you young lady, so help me Force, if you go become a Jedi it will be the last thing you do." Vader sputters and starts breathing heavier than usual.

"Oooooo… cause I'm _sooo_ scared dad. You already blew up my house, what will you do to stop me? Blow up the whole galaxy next?" She turns away from the cam as Vader raises a fist and shakes it at her in a mute threat. "Hang on dad… uh huh… uh huh… I suppose. No, I'm just talking to dad. What? Oh, ok, hang on. Dad, Luke wants to talk to you." Dismissively, Leia gets up and Luke appears on the com.

"Luke? Son, please tell your sister I forbid her to be a Jedi."

"Pop? You don't _tell_ Leia anything. Like she'd listen to me anyways." Luke sounds bored. His father was a big one to run his mouth a lot and then not kill you like he said he would. Luke had a fresh new hand as proof of that.

"Well can't you just make it clear to her that she is not welcome on Coruscant if she doesn't shape up?" Vader huffed impatiently.

"Oh of course, that will work Pop. Sure, threaten her like you did mom? Like you do me? How's that working out for you so far Pop? You think cause you choked mom to death that makes you a big badass?" Luke sneered through the com.

"Now son, you know I never meant to hurt your mother. I loved her with all my heart."

"Yah Pop, you loved her to death all right."

"It wasn't_ like_ that Obi-wan tricked me…"

"Yah… yah… it's all Obi-wan's fault. Little Ani Skywalker never did anything bad. Palpatine tricked him and Yoda was mean and Obi-wan lied like, all the time and then Padme sided with Obi-wan and not you and… and… and… It's the same story all the time Pop. You sound like a broken holo sometimes." Luke delivered this dissertation in a fake base voice punctuated by asthmatic wheezes.

"Luke! That is not fair! There were circumstances…"

"Oooohhh… Circumstances… like you blew up Leia's house and the whole planet it was on to impress your boss circumstances or you decided to go dark side cause Palpatine did it and he's so cool circumstances?"

Vader breaths heavily in fury. "That is _it_! You are both _grounded_!"

"You can't ground me, I'm nineteen." Luke laughs.

"Oh yes I can young man. As long as I'm paying for your Jedi lessons with Yoda I can do anything I want. Now pack your stuff right now and come to Endor and I mean now young man." Vader barked through the com.

"Whatever dad, I'll just go find a new master that works for cheap. I don't need your money."

"Well good luck with that. I killed all the rest of them. The only reason I didn't kill Obi-wan and Yoda was so you'd get a decent education. Not that you appreciate it."

"Whatever Pop…"

"I am serious young man."

"Sure you are." Luke clicks off the com to the sound of his father's ARG! Of annoyance. "Well, I guess we know where he's hiding the new Death star."

Leia smirks. "What a lazer brain. Yah, we didn't even have to work at that one."

""We'd better get the Falcon out of hock and go get your boyfriend back from Jabba so we can go blow his asthmatic ass up."

"What?! You didn't pay the parking tickets on OrdMandel? I told you to pay those a month ago." Leia looks like she might happily throttle her brother.

"Whatever sis, you're the one with the money. You wana play kissy face with your boyfriend you pay to get his ship outa the cage."

"He… is… not… my… boy… friend." Leia snarls.

"Ooooo… wasa matta Leia? Are you mad? Gona go darkside on me? Oops, nope, you can't cause Pop won't let you be a Jedi. Neener.."

"Why you…" Leia sputters and then cracks up. Comon, lets go get the Falcon and slap Jabba around for messing With Han. Then we'll go shove a torp down ol' breathalyzer's throat."

"Now your talking sis." Luke high fives Leia and they leave her room.


End file.
